It’s happened again. And very unexpectedly. This morning I had a very happy time. Wendy came down early on to say goodbye to their friends who have been sleeping in my spare bedroom. We’d had a great evening yesterday but had all been to bed at a reasonable time! I went to croquet. We had a couple of new people and, as the weather was poor, only about 16 turned up to play. I played with each of the new ones as a partner in turn. I think we will have two good new members. I was delighted because I played very well and just felt like I did at the end of last season. That’s been rare this last few months. Then I met Wendy in town for coffee and a chat and a wander round a few shops I would not usually have gone into. All in all a lovely relaxing morning.
Then as I was driving out of town an old lady was standing at the kerbside. I would guess that she was in her late 80s. She was dressed in a way that told me she was comfortably off and well able to take care of herself. However as I drove past I saw in her face a look that I have still been unable to find the words for. Unfortunately because of my inability to hold images in my head I cannot actually recall what she looked like. However I got an overall impression of bewilderment or something which immediately created a huge sadness in my heart. The feeling she engendered and the sadness have refused to leave me all afternoon and now that it’s evening the memory is still haunting me.
I re-read my last posting and in this case I did not know the person, nor have I any reason to feel sad for her or on her account. But I do. I cannot help it. I watch the ills of the world on television every day. I might feel sorry for those affected by disasters and war. I might give a donation (although I am fully aware that it is but a miniscule drop in the ocean and will have little effect) but I never feel this sadness. If I did I would be a miserable person. And I’m not. I’m generally a very happy person.
But this one lady who looked so bewildered (was she bewildered?) has made me feel sad in a way that I cannot understand.
As I said last time I feel so totally useless and unable to help. I still don't like that.
Hey, my dear friend...! This post turned up on my reading list while I was writing to you! I did not see it until I had already sent the email. Sometimes it seems thoughts go ahead of blog postings...?
ReplyDeleteI think we really do carry the sadness of life inside us all the time (just like hopefully also the joy), even when not consciously thinking of it. Sometimes the sadness breaks through, and it is not unusual for that to happen through a chance personal encounter for which we have not be able to "prepare" ourselves; and where we really cannot do anything to help. Seeing one bewildered person "live" can touch our hearts in a way that a thousand suffering people on the TV screen never will. It's the way our brains work; and it's a reminder that the life of an individual is immensely important.
♥2U!
I know what you've experienced and many of us can understand. Honestly, GB, I think that The Spirit is calling you...whispering an awareness of need into your heart...knowing that one day, you will trust The Father with your words once again. Pray for her...see, we do not need to witness the result of our prayers, but they need to be lifted. As you do, you find that the heaviness is blown away more and more into the wind of faith.
ReplyDeleteLove you.
You just have the biggest heart, Graham. You are very tuned in to the pain in others, having experienced it, yourself. The up side of that is that you are also in tune to the joy and peace that you know can come, in spite of it. I will be thinking of you and believing that will wash over you, and the precious little lady, as well. I believe that we are spirit beings, and that on a level that we do not understand, sometimes communication takes place without words. You know that is true with people who are close to you...you can look in their eyes and read their mood. I'm not saying it's anything weird or spooky, but something as natural as thinking. I'm sending uplifting thoughts your way.
ReplyDeleteWhile having coffee with my mother in the atrium of the building she lives in, we were quiet, watching others shuffle by. I could feel the sadness, and just how alone and shut down some of these people were. I can still feel the ache in my heart for them. It's like I had been shown into their being.
ReplyDeleteThinking back on it now, I think it was a rare opportunity, a glimpse given specifically to me (just like you), a chance to make a momentary difference to someone else.
I missed that opportunity that day because I didn't understand it at the time. I hope that next time I'll recognize it and act. :)