It’s happened again. And very unexpectedly. This morning I had a very happy time. Wendy came down early on to say goodbye to their friends who have been sleeping in my spare bedroom. We’d had a great evening yesterday but had all been to bed at a reasonable time! I went to croquet. We had a couple of new people and, as the weather was poor, only about 16 turned up to play. I played with each of the new ones as a partner in turn. I think we will have two good new members. I was delighted because I played very well and just felt like I did at the end of last season. That’s been rare this last few months. Then I met Wendy in town for coffee and a chat and a wander round a few shops I would not usually have gone into. All in all a lovely relaxing morning.
Then as I was driving out of town an old lady was standing at the kerbside. I would guess that she was in her late 80s. She was dressed in a way that told me she was comfortably off and well able to take care of herself. However as I drove past I saw in her face a look that I have still been unable to find the words for. Unfortunately because of my inability to hold images in my head I cannot actually recall what she looked like. However I got an overall impression of bewilderment or something which immediately created a huge sadness in my heart. The feeling she engendered and the sadness have refused to leave me all afternoon and now that it’s evening the memory is still haunting me.
I re-read my last posting and in this case I did not know the person, nor have I any reason to feel sad for her or on her account. But I do. I cannot help it. I watch the ills of the world on television every day. I might feel sorry for those affected by disasters and war. I might give a donation (although I am fully aware that it is but a miniscule drop in the ocean and will have little effect) but I never feel this sadness. If I did I would be a miserable person. And I’m not. I’m generally a very happy person.
But this one lady who looked so bewildered (was she bewildered?) has made me feel sad in a way that I cannot understand.
As I said last time I feel so totally useless and unable to help. I still don't like that.